chocolate chex sucks

just in case you see it at the store one day and you're like "oh that looks kinda cool, maybe i'll buy it and it'll be awesome," don't, because it's awful.

apparently tony kornheiser reads the rogue league

from today's episode of pardon the interruption. we couldn't agree more.

2008 mlb season preview: a.l. east

predicted order of finish:

boston red sox 100-62
tampa bay rays 82-80
new york yankees 81-81
toronto blue jays 80-82
baltimore orioles 61-101

it's kind of weird how the red sox went from the beloved "idiots" everyone in america was rooting for in 2004 to a team that's now mostly loathed by anyone outside of their "nation." i think their hitting and pitching will be far superior to anyone else in this division and they'll win it again for the second year in a row. hopefully some other team will beat them in the playoffs or else we'll have to deal with even more insufferable red sox fans. the tampa bay rays have been predicted by baseball prospectus to win 88 games this year, an improvement of 22 wins over last season. to put this in some perspective, the rays have not won more than 70 games in any year of their existence. i'll be honest here: i'd really like to see this. i want to see the rays succeed. but i do have a hard time believing this. their hitting will be really good, but what about their pitching (especially their bullpen)? however, i do think they're better than both the yankees and blue jays, and i do think joe maddon is a good manager. hopefully my prediction doesn't look ridiculous in september. the yankees have too much talent to not win at least 80 games, and new manager joe girardi doesn't seem like a guy that's going to get in the way of things. it will be the same formula as the past six years, good hitting, average pitching, mariano rivera at the end of games. however, i have them missing the playoffs for the first time since 1993. the blue jays have enough pitching and hitting talent, but manager john gibbons seems to rub some of his guys the wrong way. i could see him being anything from manager of the year to fired by july 1st. my money is on the latter. what can i say about the baltimore orioles? this is a really young team, which is usually viewed as a good thing, but they're going to struggle a lot this year. they don't have much in the way of hitting, and their starting pitching will be pretty lousy, too. i'll give new GM andy macphail some credit-- he's trying to rebuild the farm system, depleted after years of ill-advised moves under the peter angelos regime. but this team is at least two years away from even being respectable again, let alone competitive.

2008 mlb season preview: n.l. east

coach is running out of steam here... five straight days with a post = brutal. i do not have the stamina of fiscal musings.

predicted order of finish:

new york mets 95-67
atlanta braves 92-70
philadelphia phillies 85-77
florida marlins 74-88
washington nationals 71-91

the mets should've won this division last year but picked the exact wrong time to go super cold. now with the addition of johan santana, they will rectify the situation this year (although i'm of the opinion that his most dominant days are behind him). i think the braves are going to be good this year but it kind of worries me that they're becoming a trendy pick to contend in the media. i'd almost rather nobody pay attention to them, but i suppose that's hard to do. their pitching will be improved and their hitting will be slightly worse (read: mark kotsay is the CF. not good.) the phillies got lucky at the right time last year, won the division, then ran into a buzzsaw in the rockies. i predict they'll regress a little-- that is to say, they'll be the phillies. the marlins and nationals will both struggle, but at least the nats will have a nice new park, which i will be fortunate enough to visit over memorial day weekend.

2008 mlb season preview: a.l. west

predicted order of finish:

angels 91-71
mariners 88-74
athletics 74-88
rangers 72-90

while i'm not really high on any team in this division, i think the angels have the best chance. despite the early season injuries to lackey and escobar, they still have good pitching depth, both in the rotation and bullpen, and their hitting is adequate. they've also got a good manager in mike scioscia. the mariners have improved their pitching (sort of) with bedard, and their hitting will be decent, better than the a's at least. this is a team that won 88 games last year, yet, somehow, still doesn't seem like a contender. the athletics will have a lot of new players, most of them very young. their pitching will be good but their hitting will be fairly weak. they'll take their lumps this year but should be contending again within a year or two. in the offseason, the rangers once again traded away pitching to get hitting. i'm not really sure when the rangers will figure out that they need to stop relying on kevin millwood and actually start developing (and keeping) young arms. until they do this, they will continue to bring up the rear in the west.

2008 mlb season preview: n.l. west

predicted order of finish:

arizona diamondbacks 92-70
los angeles dodgers 89-73
colorado rockies 84-78
san diego padres 81-81
san francisco giants 65-97

the diamondbacks are the defending division champs. they got outscored last year but still somehow went 90-72. while i think some of that good luck will start to even out this year, the d-backs also acquired dan haren, who, with brandon webb, forms probably the best 1-2 starting pitching combo in the national league. their offense will be largely the same, so i'll predict 92 wins, which given the depth of this division, should be good enough to win it. the dodgers biggest offseason acquisition was not andruw jones but rather new manager joe torre. granted, this team will not be as talented as his late 90's/early 00's yankee squads, but torre is an intelligent, well-respected manager who occasionally falls asleep in the dugout and will get the best out of these players. the dodgers pitching remains strong while their offense remains fairly weak, but it will be good enough to compete. the rockies made the playoffs last year through an incredible hot streak at the right time and rode that streak all the way to the world series. maybe i'm just biased because of the rockies history of non-success, but i don't see this happening again this year. i think the rockies are a good enough team, and will stay close into september. but their pitching is mostly inexperienced or mediocre, and that won't be good enough in this division. the padres once again will have exceptional pitching and break their own record for 1-0 games. they'll be close in september but find a way to come up short, mostly due to their bad hitting. (note: if they make a trade deadline deal for a big hitter, i think they would both win this division and probably the world series. but i don't expect this to happen.) the depths of futility in which the giants will languish this season can be best illustrated by examining the probable middle of their batting order: rich aurilia, aaron rowand, bengie molina. that's quite possibly the saddest 3-4-5 in the history of baseball, and that includes any 3-4-5 that had the misfortune of having willie mays hayes in it. on a positive note, they have some pretty good starting pitchers.

2008 mlb season preview: a.l. central

continuing on with our baseball season previews in no particular order, today we preview the american league's central division. click the "mlb season previews" label on the left menu to see other exciting previews.

predicted order of finish:

detroit tigers 95-67
cleveland indians 94-68
chicago white sox 79-83
minnesota twins 75-87
kansas city royals 73-89

the tigers are loaded on offense with new additions miguel cabrera and edgar renteria. i'll be surprised if they don't score over 900 runs this season. their pitching, especially their starters, will struggle somewhat. ordinarily this would cause me to pick against a team but i'll go with my guts here and predict the tigers to barely hold off cleveland to win the division. the indians return basically all of their key players from their 96-win division-winning team last season. if travis hafner returns to his previous form, cleveland's offense will be even stronger. their bullpen is always a slight concern when joe borowski is the closer, and sabathia logged a ton of innings last year and thus may not be as effective this year. i don't have them winning this division but i think the indians will win the wildcard. the twins pitching will struggle this year with the departure of johan santana and because their management is treating francisco liriano's left arm like it's a paper napkin. the twins hitting will struggle because they are forced to rely on guys like lew ford and mike lamb. white sox manager ozzie guillen said he's going to go back to being himself this year and that this will cause the white sox to win a lot, or something like that. while i'm not sure exactly what that statement means, i'm also not sure how they didn't win more last year, as they seem to have adequate pitching and hitting both. however, i think they'll still have the same level of quit in them as last year, leading to a similarly mediocre performance. the royals are still hapless, but GM dayton moore is slowly getting this franchise moving in the right direction. most importantly they have some decent young arms, and with the jose guillen signing in the offseason they're at least trying to attract people to kansas city, as difficult as that no doubt is.

2008 mlb season preview: n.l. central

predicted order of finish:

chicago cubs 90-72
milwaukee brewers 84-78
houston astros 80-82
st. louis cardinals 77-85
cincinnati reds 74-88
pittsburgh pirates 68-94

like most people, i'm picking the cubs. this is partly due to their strength, but mostly due to the weakness of this division. though fukudome won't be as big a pickup as people think, their offense will be good, and their pitching will be good enough. i think the brewers' pitching is still not strong enough, and their defense is below average. at the plate, however, they have one of the deepest lineups in baseball. the astros have made lots of moves this offseason in an effort to win now. miguel tejada improves the offense and jose valverde strengthens the bullpen. but their starting pitching is too patchwork after roy oswalt. much to limeade's chagrin, the cardinals will have problems on offense this year. albert pujols is wandering into vlad guerrero territory in terms of limited lineup protection. but fortunately their new GM believes in trading away dinosaurs for younger players, so it won't be long before they're competitive again. the reds are a trendy sleeper pick to make the playoffs. one announcer on espn went so far as to say that, because the reds now have an elite closer, they're now contenders. to demonstrate how ridiculous a position that is, simply ask yourself if francisco cordero has ever turned a team into a contender. the pirates will continue to be the pirates. they'll match the 1933-48 phillies record of 16 consecutive losing seasons. at least they have one of the nicest stadiums in baseball which offers a great view of both baseball and ducks.

when visiting PNC park, be sure to look for the ducks, else some random dude
talk your ear off for 20 minutes. but don't eat the pierogies. they are garbage.

tournament time

it's the second-most wonderful time of the year. a time for spring training baseball. a time for march madness. a time for some idiots somewhere to claim that worker productivity will go down by $1.7 billion because of the NCAA tournament. look dorks, people aren't robots, ok? that's all i'm going to say about that.

anyway, if you click on the image below you will see that, not unlike happy ninja's, my bracket is fairly gutless. however, i do actually believe all four number 1 seeds will make the final four. despite the fact that this has never happened in the past, there's a first time for everything. but, as per usual, i will be rooting for low seeds to beat high seeds, and for big ten teams to get humiliated. i'm an SEC homer like that.

be sure to take this bracket to your local kfc for a delicious toasted twister combo.

the best a man can get?

much has been made of roger federer's struggles in recent tennis matches. his first round loss in the dubai tennis championships in february was his first since the cincinnati masters in 2004. in january of this year at the austrailian open, his streak of 10 consecutive majors finals was broken. some have speculated that this is the beginning of the end of his brilliant career.

many are curious as to the cause of federer's sudden misfortune. what many people may not know is that roger federer is laboring under a curse. it's a new kind of curse, one that is not restricted to only one sport, such as the curse of the billy goat or the curse of the bambino. it is the curse of the gillette fusion power phenom. since endorsing gillette's new five-bladed razor, roger federer's game has significantly declined. as long as these commercials remain on television, his struggles will continue. i expect we will soon see tiger woods and thierry henry, who also endorse the product, begin slumping as well. the gillette fusion power phenom knows no mercy.

while it is possible to break free of a curse, it is very difficult. the exact methods are not always known, nor do they always make sense. only after the red sox signed mark bellhorn before the 2004 season was the curse of the bambino finally broken and boston won the world series. for the curse of the gillette fusion power phenom, more drastic measures are necessary. i suggest roger federer begin endorsing the DOVO Solingen line of straight razors. it's clear the facial hair demons are not pleased with the ridiculous number of blades that are packed into today's razors. they are taking out their anger on those that are profiting off these devices. however, if federer endorses the DOVO straight razors, i believe he will be released from the curse. he will once again regain his dominant form, much to everyone's delight.

happy birthday joe carter

Happy birthday to former major league outfielder and 5-time All-Star Joe Carter. Joe was drafted with the 2nd overall pick by the Chicago Cubs in 1981 and made his major league debut in 1983. He played for the Indians and Padres in the late 80's before his best-known years in Toronto. It was there that he eventually became the Blue Jays all-time sacrifice flies leader with 65. Joe is also one of only 6 major league players to have hit 3 home runs in a game on at least 5 different occasions. But Carter is likely best remembered for having had a grown man attempt to crawl into his butt shortly after the Blue Jays won the 1993 World Series. Coincidentally, Carter also hit a game-winning 3-run homer off Mitch Williams that same day. From everyone here at the rogue league, happy 48th birthday Joe.

arctic monkey's favourite worst nightmare

arctic monkey's album favourite worst nightmare has been out for nearly a year now, so i can't really call it new anymore. but i myself only recently purchased it about 3 months ago. after many listens of all the songs, here is my track-by-track review:

brainstorm - this is a really good beginning track. it's pretty fast-paced and loud, which is an appropriate prelude to what will follow throughout the album.

teddy picker - this song has a bit more of a funky beat but the band still maintains their signature sound. while this subject matter seems an unusual choice, it's still a really good song.

d is for dangerous - this is one of my top 2 or 3 songs on this album. i think it's funny that the word after the phrase "d is for..." is never actually the word "dangerous."

balaclava - thanks to wikipedia, i now know that a balaclava is a ski mask. so the lyric "who's the crooks in this crime?" now makes much more sense to me. this is a good song, another one with a semi-funk beat.

flourescent adolescent - slower than the previous 4 tracks, i think this is one of the singles here in the US. as i typically do with albums i own, i like the single less than many other songs. however, this is still an above average song.

only ones who know - slowest song on the album. i suppose this and the previous track are meant as the change of pace leading to the second half of the album. i'm not sure if 2 change of pace songs were needed back-to-back like this. i'd have preferred this be track 10 or something. still, it's better than average, and i usually don't skip it.

do me a favour - the cd starts to pick back up with this song, which itself takes a little while to pick up. the bass line for this song is really catchy. this is probably my second favorite song on the album.

this house is a circus - i think this could be the theme music to a live action scooby doo play, if such a play exists. the phrase "like a search for murder clues" always gets me thinking about this or about the board game clue. however, after hearing the lyrics a few times, i think this song is actually about a crack house.

if you were there, beware - i think this song was the inspiration for the album art. it's better to listen to this track with the previous one as opposed to listening to them individually. they're like peanut butter and chocolate in that way.

do the bad thing - i like the music for this one, but the lyrics are so stupid that it makes me generally dislike the song. i should mention here that i don't usually make a very big deal out of lyrics, so for me to dislike it just for that reason is saying something.

old yellow bricks - good song. not very distinguishable from the other ones.

505 - probably the best song on the cd, though it's hard to pick just one. this is really the type of album where you could ask 10 people what their favorite song is and get 10 different answers. the songs are that good and it's that difficult to choose. it's a great ending to the album.

you'll notice that a lot of my "reviews" consist of me saying things that are not terribly descriptive, which probably aren't particularly helpful for people that haven't heard the songs. basically, a lot of their songs sound very similar, which is all generally a post-punk british garage rock sound. in my opinion, there isn't much middle ground with this sound-- you either like it or you don't.

if you heard arctic monkeys first album and liked it, go to where music is sold and buy this album now. if you haven't heard anything by these guys, give them a listen. if you start to like it, you'll soon be hooked.

overall: 9 out of 10

movie forecast: vantage point

vantage point centers on one major event, which is told from the perspective of 8 different characters. the audience is then left to determine which perspectives are the most believable and try to find the truth. in the case of this movie, the major event is an attempted assassination of the president. what we the audience are to figure out is who did the killing, if in fact the killing occurred.

i might be in the minority on this one, but this film just strikes me as one huge, crappy gimmick. not that i necessarily demand artistic excellence to like a film, nor would i necessarily even recognize it. but to subject the audience to an endless puzzle of questions which can't be solved definitively until the end of the movie seems kind of tiresome. absent just making a lucky guess, is there any way you can figure this movie out before it's over? even if you can, why would i want to go to the theater just to have to be encyclopedia brown for 2 hours? i'm not against mystery in a movie, i just think it should only be one element, of an actual plot, not the entire substance of a movie. furthermore, given the nature of this film, it will be extremely low on the rewatchability scale.

prediction: 4/10

separated at birth

many people may not realize that pittsburgh penguins center sidney crosby and actor tom welling are actually long lost brothers. welling, likely best known for his role as nick castle in the fog, has recently given crosby advice on how to quickly recover from his recent ankle injury: "imagine a healthy hockey player, what he would feel like, what he would move like, what he would act like. and then, you be that player. study the role densely and you can be it." sidney expressed confusion at this advice but continues his rehab. he also said that he wouldn't feel like a good brother if he didn't offer his own piece of advice for tom: "smallville sucks."

breaking news: hawks get mike bibby

you can read more about this trade here. as a hawks fan, i approve of this deal. basically anyone on this team is tradeable except for joe johnson, al horford, and josh smith. so the fact that they gave up none of those guys and still got a fairly young guy (29 years old), who is someone that will easily be their best point guard since mookie blaylock, is automatically a good move. hopefully, perhaps, hawks management is turning a corner.

hot stove part deux

with spring training now officially underway, the rogue league examines a few more notable transactions from this offseason.

mets acquire johan santana from twins for carlos gomez and 3 prospects, then sign him to an enormous extension

the twins tried to get both the red sox and yankees to offer more for santana, and after they didn't bite, the mets reaped the benefits. this is obviously a good deal for the mets, and i'm o.k. with it from the twins side too. they couldn't afford to keep santana but at least now they get some good young arms which will hopefully pan out. santana's subsequent contract extension for 7 years $151M makes him the highest paid pitcher in history, and the fourth ever to get a $100M contract. the other three were mike hampton, kevin brown, and barry zito... not exactly in the same class, as santana is clearly better than any of those guys ever were or will be. however, he is still human, and i believe that at some point his newfound wealth will affect him to some degree. not that he's going to become awful or anything, but i could see santana getting a little lazier, maybe partying too much in new york with jose reyes, and then not being quite as good. fortunately for mets fans, though, he'll still be an ace, and i don't think this contract will reach albatrossian status for 5 years.

astros get miguel tejada from orioles for luke scott and four prospects; sign kaz matsui to 3-year $16.5M contract; acquire jose valverde from diamondbacks for chris burke, chad qualls, and juan gutierrez

those are a lot of players the astros have dealt this winter. i don't know how deep their farm system is, but i'll give them credit-- they're clearly trying to win now. it does seem a little strange to commit 3 years to matsui given that he's shown no ability to stay healthy, and who will likely put up numbers similar to chris burke anyway. the tejada deal i really like for their offense. their 2-3-4-5 could be something like pence, tejada, berkman, lee. that's very formidable. tejada can actually opt out after 2008, though, so if houston doesn't resign him, that was a steep price for one year (unless they win the world series, of course). valverde should help bolster the bullpen, meaning fans will no longer have to see roy oswalt silently weeping in the dugout after yet another blown save.

mariners get erik bedard for adam jones, george sherrill, and three prospects

once the mariners didn't get johan they had to look for the next best thing. they feel they have a chance to win now, and they also apparently don't have room for adam jones in their outfield. i like bedard but i would've like to have seen a deal like this for someone slightly more proven. i also wonder how bedard will fare now that leo mazzone will not be his pitching coach. overall this is a deal the mariners probably felt they had to make, but that's a lot of players to give up. for the orioles, between this and the tejada deal, they've acquired seven prospects, and they and cal-state fullerton have to be considered the favorites in omaha this june.

giants sign aaron rowand to 5 year $60M contract

i'll start with the positive: i like aaron rowand as a player. i think he hussles a lot, his defense is pretty good, his offense will be slightly above average, and i've heard he's a really good clubhouse presence. however, this is too many years for him. he's coming off career-high offensive numbers that, probably if you ask anyone in the world they'll agree with this, he will never again match. his at-times reckless play makes him an injury concern as well. i know the giants had to sign someone, and they certainly had some extra cash with barroid now off the payroll. i'm just not sure rowand is that marquee name that will resonate with fans.

blue jays acquire scott rolen from cardinals for troy glaus

this is your proverbial one man's trash is another man's treasure deal. except they're both trash. i like glaus' numbers for the last 3 seasons over rolen's, so i think st. louis got the better end of this deal. actually, i'm not really sure what would prompt the blue jays to take this deal. i think scott rolen has pictures of toronto general manager j.p. riccardi wearing women's underwear.

padres get jim edmonds from cardinals for prospect david freese

i can understand san diego trading away a third-base prospect when they already have an everyday third-baseman and another prospect in waiting. what i cannot understand is trading for edmonds. what's his batting line at petco going to be? .265 avg 8 hr 50 rbi? that's gross, and that's probably being generous. why wouldn't you just take another year or two of mike cameron (for about the same price, too)? it just seems weird. from the cardinals perspective though, i like this. new general manager john mozeliak sweeps away another overpaid under-performing has-been to open up room for younger talent.

separated at birth?

saint joseph's head basketball coach phil martelli has actually been mistaken for a bald eagle several times in his life. the most recent occurrence was at a national zoo exhibit in washington, d.c., where he was visiting with his family. while standing outside a giant cage admiring a majestic eagle perched atop a pole, martelli was startled by some other visitors that were trying to get a picture with him. "look at this, one of them's out of his cage. honey quick get a picture with me and him," said one visitor. martelli stood by confused but obliged the happy visitors with various photos. "he even understands english. this is amazing," the visitor added. when martelli was later informed that he had, once again, been mistaken for our national bird, he only shook his head, then devoured a raw fish.

super bowl xlii preview

to be honest, i am not very pumped up for this matchup. hopefully i am wrong, but i have a sinking feeling that the patriots are just going to rout the giants in this game. had the game been played last weekend, i might have picked the giants. but since they have to have a long layoff, much like the rockies before the world series, i think they will be more rusty than resty. plus, now that we learned the patriots taped the rams walkthrough before super bowl 36, maybe they did the same thing yesterday, making it that much tougher for the giants to win. seriously, these patriots spies are as easy to spot as sylvester stallone in the specialist. i mean what was that one scene about where he's staring at eric roberts in the limo? he's looking right at him. he didn't try to hide. throughout the whole movie he keeps getting seen. wasn't he supposed to be more covert? what is he a specialist at anyway? being conspicuous? ok anyway yeah this game is going to suck. i also have my doubts for the halftime show being any good. i actually like tom petty more than the average person in my demographic, but i'm not sure that free ballin' is really going to cut it. hopefully the commercials will be good though. prediction: patriots 48-21.

tv show preview: eli stone

so many questions come to mind when i think of abc's new show eli stone...i mean, ELI STONE, which premieres tonight. for starters, what is george michael's role in this? does he play a godlike figure? or an angel perhaps? is abc actually expecting that the audience will be able to move past the fact that it's george michael and accept his character as a holy figure? i'm assuming the main character guy is a prophet, called to do something to help people in some way. how are these callings made, exactly? through george michael's music? i mean, do the musical stylings of WHAM really bring out the best in a man? i'm pretty sure the last time i was stuck listening to "Faith" i wanted to shoot somebody. also, how many times will there be a scene where prophet-guy is singing along to a george michael that nobody else can see? is this intended to be some comic relief? because i've seen it probably 30 times in commercials already and it's never been funny. nor is it funny when the prophet-guy faints or has a giant plane fly over his head.

while i was wondering who exactly will be drawn to watch this show, i remembered that abc is placing it right after their hit show Lost. this obviously makes some sense as they can probably draw in tons of viewers that otherwise wouldn't give two craps about this. however, there's also quite a bit of risk in making such a move. what percentage of abc's audience will make a lasting judgment of eli stone after that first show? and also, what percentage of that audience will be watching for no other reason than because it was on after Lost? if both of those percentages are high, and if the pilot sucks, then eli stone will walk the wide road unto death, and the initial 13 episodes is all we'll see. if the pilot is above average, then this might even last 3 seasons. my prediction lies somewhere in between: 24 episodes

a pitcher worth 18,000 words

has there ever been a time in your life when you thought someone did something, but you weren't sure? but then, there was an alleged eye-witness, who gave sworn testimony to confirm your suspicion? when the person accused came up with more and more stories and facts to explain himself, did you find yourself believing him more, or less?

the more roger clemens tries to convince me and all of us that he never used steroids, the more i find myself not believing him. in clemens' agent's recent 18,000-word statistical report published monday, many facts are presented, with the supposed intention being to "prove" roger never used steroids. but it's flawed logic to believe this based solely on this report. consider first the claim that clemens' peak performance was from near the end of the 1996 season to the beginning of the 1999 season. if this is true, doesn't that actually support brian mcnamee's assertions more, considering that he said he began injecting roger in the butt back in 1998? it's also said within the report that clemens' career was extended due to a change in pitching styles and (later) through contractually-shorter seasons with limited travel. of course, this is all true, but the fact that it's true still does not mean anything in relation to whether or not he used steroids. he still could have juiced in conjunction with doing these other actions. then the report has a bunch of charts and numbers that compare clemens to other hall-of-fame caliber pitchers who pitched into their 40's who haven't been accused of cheating. the leap of logic here is "these guys were great without steroids, so roger was too." obviously, this is ludicrous to assume that because others have pitched into their 40's without steroids, therefore clemens must also have pitched into his 40's without steroids. and besides, given that roger was actually much more effective in his 40's than most of those other guys, isn't that just one more piece of damning, not exonorating, evidence?

clemens' crusade of innocence now intrigues me far more than whether or not he even used steroids. he keeps drawing me back in with his repeated denials, each with a few more bits of inconsistency and confusion. to me, the 18,000-word report seems nothing more than argumentum verbosium. while i certainly can't blame clemens for trying to defend himself against what he believes to be false accusations, i think there are better and more convincing ways to go about it. roger, come up with one story and stick with it. like your accuser did.