the last time the N.L. won the All-Star game, this look was still considered fashionable

Let's get this done, National League. Tonight. The last time we won was 1996. Think about this for a second. The starting lineup included Matt Williams, Barry Larkin, and Dante Bichette. Ozzie Smith was also on the team. OZZIE SMITH!!! The Prodigy were still a popular band. THE PRODIGY!!!!!!! This is just ridiculous. This was like two lifetimes ago. WE MUST WIN!!!!! HAHM-DI-NAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

- United States Declaration of Independence, July 4 1776

Kobe responds to Shaq's freestyle rap with freestyle scat

Reigning NBA MVP Kobe Bryant has responded to criticism from former teammate Shaquille O'Neal. As first reported by TMZ.com, Shaq was recently seen rapping in a New York city nightclub. His rap included, among other lyrics, "Kobe, you can't do without me." Last night in a swanky New Jersey bar, Bryant responded with some freestyle of his own:

Wellllllll, be bop be doo dop
bim bam bold
Shaquilllllle..... why you so
cold cold cold?
Rizz razzzz-a-ma-tazz
shim shammy shine...
that MVP trophy,
well it is mine.
Bim bam, the flim flam
diddly-bop-m-bop,
Well, next yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
I'm gonna beeeee onnnnn TOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

According to several witnesses, Kobe brought the house down with his interesting style. "Like a young Al Jolson, I tell ya," said one patron. "I heard the great Louis Armstrong," said one old-timer, "and this young Kobe has the gift." Shaq was also secretly in the audience, and was later overheard to say, "it's the dopest rhyme I ever heard."

Separated at Birth: Dari Nowkhah and Shia Labeouf

On a recent episode of the "Budweiser Hot Seat," SportsCenter anchor Dari Nowkhah interviewed actor Shia Labeouf to promote his upcoming film, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Dari, who was not familiar with his interviewee, was given a card with three questions to ask Shia, after which he was to put on a brown cowboy hat and tell the audience at home to go see the new movie. What follows below is a transcript from this as-yet-unaired episode of the "Hot Seat."

Dari: We welcome now into the studio, a very talented actor, Shia Labeouf, of the Transformers and most recently the new Indiana Jones movie. Shia, you are now on... The Budweiser Hot Seat. Are you ready?

Shia: Uh, yes, I'm ready.

Dari: (Turns to face Shia) Ok, now Shia... Hey, what the? A mirror match??? IS THIS WHAT WE GOT????

Shia: I'm sorry, I don't understand. Mirror--

Dari: HAHM-DI-NAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Shia: I.. I just... I was told you'd ask me about the Red Sox or something.

Dari: RAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! OOOOooooOOOoooOOOOO!!!!!! (Bites head off nearby chicken)

Shia: Oh no...

At this point, ESPN turned off the cameras, while Dari ripped off his shirt and began running around the set like a madman. He was shot with a horse tranquilizer gun and later woke up mumbling Linda Cohn's name. The moral of the story: Do not confuse Dari Nowkhah.

Please hit the mute button. Now.

ESPN begins their "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" battle of the bands this week. Nine bands, including REO Speedwagon, will be butchering performing an American classic much to no one's possibly six people's delight.

One question that I just have to ask: How much variation on this theme can you possibly do? The song is, at most, a minute long. As a baseball fan, I don't really want to see this anyway, but instead would prefer ESPN simply let this song be what it is. While I'm not sure if there is any actual prize money involved in this, probably just a few more minutes in the limelight and/or ham sandwiches is all the motivation some of these guys need.

Why is ESPN doing this? The better question is why do they do anything that they do? Like Titletown, or 50 states in 50 days, or the ESPY's, or Who's Now? This is just another in a long list of ridiculous things that are barely sports-related enough that ESPN can still try to justify doing it. I'm sure this probably appeals more to the 12-17 year-old boy crowd, as well as possibly the female audience. I'm still hoping for the day that a rival sports network gets its poo together and makes a serious run at these clowns.

Extra YouTube clip, just because I think it's funny:

Movie Preview: The Happening

The writer-director of The Sixth Sense and Signs brings you his first R-rated film.

That's the tagline for the new "thriller" The Happening. And really, that's all you need to know.

M. Night Shayamalan is trying once again to fool the public into thinking he actually makes good movies. And to be honest, he once did. I really liked both Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense. But after those, his movies have slowly gone from intriguing to boring to just plain dumb. Signs was o.k. I guess, but I wouldn't see it again. The Village was an outright joke. If you've not seen it, I won't spoil the "twist," but just be prepared to be extremely disappointed when you see it. To be fair, I've not seen Lady In The Water, but I don't know a single person that has seen it that liked it.

The public has slowly grown to groan at the mention of an M. Night Shamalamadingdong movie. Undoubtedly, Mr. Shipoopi was aware of this, and needed some kind of gimmick to get people to watch his movies again. "Wait, what if I put in more gore, and a few F-bombs? That's sure to get those 14-to-18 year-olds that, 1) will watch anything, and 2) aren't yet completely soured on my utter lack of ingenuity." And there you go, his new flick is rated R, and, I have no doubt, will suck royally.

Prediction: 3/10

NBA Finals Preview: Lakers-Celtics XI

Thus begin the endless references to all the classic Celtics/Lakers Finals matchups in history, particularly in the 80's. I know the media has to do this. I mean, they can't easily ignore it. Nor do I expect them to. So I understand that. But frankly, some of it is a little silly. Yes, it's the Lakers and Celtics. And yes, it's the game of basketball. And that's where the similarities end. So please, media, no more comparisons of the Boston Three Party to the true Big Three. And let's not compare Kobe to Magic or anything of the sort. Let this matchup be what it is. Also, I've heard some say this matchup is "saving the league." This is fully absurd. Saving the league? From what? The NBA is financially very healthy. So healthy, in fact, that it continues to subsidize the hemorrhaging, untenable farce known as the WNBA. Television revenues are at all time highs, and attendance levels remain high. I agree that this Finals matchup will probably get ratings as good as any of the Bulls Finals series. But it's not "saving the league," so no more saying this.

As for the matchup itself, this is pretty tough to call. Celtics won both regular season matchups, but that was before the Lakers got Pau Gasol, so as far as I'm concerned, those games have no bearing. This will be the Lakers first real test of the post-season. No team has yet been able to play the level of defense necessary to beat them four out of seven. I do think the Celtics have that defense, but they've been inconsistent this postseason, particularly on the road. When I look at these two teams, I see that the Lakers have the best starting five, the best bench, the best individual player, and the best coach. I guess this is easier than I thought.

Prediction: Lakers in 5

separated at birth

Few people know that the late actor Alan Hale and sports broadcaster Jon Miller were good friends growing up. The younger Jon aspired to become a Hollywood star one day. He hoped to land a leading role in some sort of situational comedy about seven people that, after a transportation mishap, became stranded on an island (when you think about those circumstances, it makes you wonder how that was ever pitched as a comedy). The older Alan dreamt in his boyhood of one day becoming a famous baseball announcer alongside one of the greatest second-basemen to ever play the game. As it turned out, these friends ended up living out each other's dreams, though it worked well for each. Said Alan one day in 1989, "Jonny told me that he and Joe Morgan are going to start a new weekly baseball thing next year on Sunday nights. I told him good luck with it and to check out this blog so he knows exactly what to expect from the little buddy." Miller responded, "I'm privileged with the chance ESPN has given me. I hope to carry on Alan's legacy by getting Peter Gammons hopelessly stranded in Yankee Stadium one day."

Let's (Re)fool America!

Recently, Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep introduced their plan to protect humanity from evil gas prices, also known as their "Let's Refuel America" program:

Program participants use a special card linked to their MasterCard or Visa credit card account. The card may be used to purchase enough fuel at $2.99 per gallon to travel up to12,000 miles per year in each of the next 3 years. So no matter what the price at the pump says, you'll never have to pay more than $2.99 per gallon for qualifying fuel.

In the face of high gas prices, such a program could be an enticing option for those in the market for a new car. But here are some facts which should be kept in mind:

1) While gas is a real cost of car ownership, it's not the most significant cost. The actual purchase price, and the cost of maintenance, are generally both more expensive than the cost of fuel.

2) Speaking of the actual purchase price, do you think that Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep is not somehow making back what they're losing on this gas deal? An old axiom remains true here, "there's no such thing as a free lunch." Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep has undoubtedly raised either their prices or interest rates to compensate for this program. Not to mention this next fact.

3) "To qualify, you must purchase or lease an eligible Chrysler, Dodge or Jeep vehicle from May 7 through July 7, 2008 and have a valid MasterCard or Visa credit card." What are these "eligible vehicles?" Are they certain models that generally don't sell well? If so, there's probably a reason they don't, and that reason probably has something to do with...

4) These are Chrysler, Dodge, and Jeep vehicles we're talking about here. This is perhaps the most important fact of all. Jeeps are some of the least-reliable, most gas-guzzling cars on planet Earth. Chrylsers and Dodges are only marginally better.

So basically what I'm saying is there's a lot more to buying a car than the price of gas. I'll hand it to Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep for shrewd marketing. They're doing a good job attempting to capitalize on people's general annoyance with rising gas prices. But if you're willing to drive a piece of junk unreliable, inefficient car to save a few dollars per fill-up, you might want to re-think your buying process.

The All-Laboring Runners Team

This is a tribute to those baseball players whose lumbering (though not necessarily slow) efforts on the basepaths make childbirth look graceful by comparison. Remember to breathe, fellas.

Current team:

C Bengie Molina
1B Mark Teixeira
2B Jeff Kent
3B Ty Wigginton
SS J.J. Hardy
LF Jack Cust
CF Hunter Pence
RF Jeff Francoeur
P C.C. Sabathia
DH Frank Thomas

All-time team:

C Mike LaValliere
1B Sid Bream
2B Jeff Kent
3B Bob Horner
SS Cal Ripken, Jr.
LF Kirk Gibson
CF Kirby Puckett
RF Babe Ruth
P David Wells
DH Frank Thomas

What the Giants could do

San Francisco Giants' pitcher Barry Zito currently boasts an 0-8 record, with a 6.25 ERA, 1.90 WHIP, and .337 BAA (batting average against). His fastball is currently in the mid-80's. He was demoted to the bullpen a few weeks ago, though recently reinstated to the rotation. To put it nicely, the Giants are not getting their money's worth on his 7-year $126M contract.

But have the Giants considered trying to truly get all they can out of Zito? They're paying this guy so much money, why don't they just make him throw a complete game every start? People may say that this increases his risk of injury, but in fact, Zito has been one of the most durable pitchers in recent history. He has started at least 33 games and pitched at least 196 innings in every year since 2001, the year after his rookie season. He has never spent a day on the disabled list.

People may also say "well, he isn't very good, don't overuse him and that will give the Giants have a better chance at winning." But let's not kid ourselves, the Giants are simply not a good team. I mean, look at them. If they lose every 5th game by a score of 14-2 instead of 7-2, honestly, what's the difference? Despite Brian Sabean's wild delusions, they're not competing in 2008. Therefore, get your money's worth, Sabean. Unless you can somehow get Hank Steinbrenner to eat his contract, in which case, I suggest that.

john lackey, rogue league return tonight

As a John Lackey owner in my fantasy baseball league, I have some nervous excitement about his return for the Angels tonight. He has had four minor league/extended spring training starts to rehab a strained tricep in his pitching arm. There are a lot of unknowns when a pitcher returns from injury. Here are the possible scenarios for John Lackey as I see them, in order from most to least likely:

Scenario A - Lackey is Chris Carpenter. They've been rehabbing him in single A ball to hide the fact that he's still got an injury and now sucks. Whatever he does tonight, he'll need Tommy John surgery very soon. His career is basically over in everyone's mind except Tony LaRussa's.

Scenario B - Lackey is Jeremy Bonderman. He's not hurt anymore, but his velocity is diminished, and since he's a power pitcher, he's basically now a shell of his former self. Effectiveness will be sporatic. Surgery is possible down the road.

Scenario C - Lackey is Jason Schmidt. His velocity is diminshed and he's still hurt. He'll spend a lot of time on the DL, will never have a major surgery, and when he does pitch, he'll be mostly ineffective.

Scenario D - Lackey is Deion Sanders. Diminished ability in baseball leads him to turn to football, where he excels and helps a Mormon QB win a Super Bowl. He begins to wear hammer pants for no apparent reason.

Scenario E - Lackey is an alien from another planet. He assumes the form of a furry, snouted creature, and lives with a suburban middle-class family. He survives by feeding off humanoid food and, occasionally, cats.

Scenario F - Lackey returns to his 2007 form.

Lackey trains for new career as Foot Locker employee

chocolate chex sucks

just in case you see it at the store one day and you're like "oh that looks kinda cool, maybe i'll buy it and it'll be awesome," don't, because it's awful.

apparently tony kornheiser reads the rogue league

from today's episode of pardon the interruption. we couldn't agree more.

2008 mlb season preview: a.l. east

predicted order of finish:

boston red sox 100-62
tampa bay rays 82-80
new york yankees 81-81
toronto blue jays 80-82
baltimore orioles 61-101

it's kind of weird how the red sox went from the beloved "idiots" everyone in america was rooting for in 2004 to a team that's now mostly loathed by anyone outside of their "nation." i think their hitting and pitching will be far superior to anyone else in this division and they'll win it again for the second year in a row. hopefully some other team will beat them in the playoffs or else we'll have to deal with even more insufferable red sox fans. the tampa bay rays have been predicted by baseball prospectus to win 88 games this year, an improvement of 22 wins over last season. to put this in some perspective, the rays have not won more than 70 games in any year of their existence. i'll be honest here: i'd really like to see this. i want to see the rays succeed. but i do have a hard time believing this. their hitting will be really good, but what about their pitching (especially their bullpen)? however, i do think they're better than both the yankees and blue jays, and i do think joe maddon is a good manager. hopefully my prediction doesn't look ridiculous in september. the yankees have too much talent to not win at least 80 games, and new manager joe girardi doesn't seem like a guy that's going to get in the way of things. it will be the same formula as the past six years, good hitting, average pitching, mariano rivera at the end of games. however, i have them missing the playoffs for the first time since 1993. the blue jays have enough pitching and hitting talent, but manager john gibbons seems to rub some of his guys the wrong way. i could see him being anything from manager of the year to fired by july 1st. my money is on the latter. what can i say about the baltimore orioles? this is a really young team, which is usually viewed as a good thing, but they're going to struggle a lot this year. they don't have much in the way of hitting, and their starting pitching will be pretty lousy, too. i'll give new GM andy macphail some credit-- he's trying to rebuild the farm system, depleted after years of ill-advised moves under the peter angelos regime. but this team is at least two years away from even being respectable again, let alone competitive.

2008 mlb season preview: n.l. east

coach is running out of steam here... five straight days with a post = brutal. i do not have the stamina of fiscal musings.

predicted order of finish:

new york mets 95-67
atlanta braves 92-70
philadelphia phillies 85-77
florida marlins 74-88
washington nationals 71-91

the mets should've won this division last year but picked the exact wrong time to go super cold. now with the addition of johan santana, they will rectify the situation this year (although i'm of the opinion that his most dominant days are behind him). i think the braves are going to be good this year but it kind of worries me that they're becoming a trendy pick to contend in the media. i'd almost rather nobody pay attention to them, but i suppose that's hard to do. their pitching will be improved and their hitting will be slightly worse (read: mark kotsay is the CF. not good.) the phillies got lucky at the right time last year, won the division, then ran into a buzzsaw in the rockies. i predict they'll regress a little-- that is to say, they'll be the phillies. the marlins and nationals will both struggle, but at least the nats will have a nice new park, which i will be fortunate enough to visit over memorial day weekend.

2008 mlb season preview: a.l. west

predicted order of finish:

angels 91-71
mariners 88-74
athletics 74-88
rangers 72-90

while i'm not really high on any team in this division, i think the angels have the best chance. despite the early season injuries to lackey and escobar, they still have good pitching depth, both in the rotation and bullpen, and their hitting is adequate. they've also got a good manager in mike scioscia. the mariners have improved their pitching (sort of) with bedard, and their hitting will be decent, better than the a's at least. this is a team that won 88 games last year, yet, somehow, still doesn't seem like a contender. the athletics will have a lot of new players, most of them very young. their pitching will be good but their hitting will be fairly weak. they'll take their lumps this year but should be contending again within a year or two. in the offseason, the rangers once again traded away pitching to get hitting. i'm not really sure when the rangers will figure out that they need to stop relying on kevin millwood and actually start developing (and keeping) young arms. until they do this, they will continue to bring up the rear in the west.

2008 mlb season preview: n.l. west

predicted order of finish:

arizona diamondbacks 92-70
los angeles dodgers 89-73
colorado rockies 84-78
san diego padres 81-81
san francisco giants 65-97

the diamondbacks are the defending division champs. they got outscored last year but still somehow went 90-72. while i think some of that good luck will start to even out this year, the d-backs also acquired dan haren, who, with brandon webb, forms probably the best 1-2 starting pitching combo in the national league. their offense will be largely the same, so i'll predict 92 wins, which given the depth of this division, should be good enough to win it. the dodgers biggest offseason acquisition was not andruw jones but rather new manager joe torre. granted, this team will not be as talented as his late 90's/early 00's yankee squads, but torre is an intelligent, well-respected manager who occasionally falls asleep in the dugout and will get the best out of these players. the dodgers pitching remains strong while their offense remains fairly weak, but it will be good enough to compete. the rockies made the playoffs last year through an incredible hot streak at the right time and rode that streak all the way to the world series. maybe i'm just biased because of the rockies history of non-success, but i don't see this happening again this year. i think the rockies are a good enough team, and will stay close into september. but their pitching is mostly inexperienced or mediocre, and that won't be good enough in this division. the padres once again will have exceptional pitching and break their own record for 1-0 games. they'll be close in september but find a way to come up short, mostly due to their bad hitting. (note: if they make a trade deadline deal for a big hitter, i think they would both win this division and probably the world series. but i don't expect this to happen.) the depths of futility in which the giants will languish this season can be best illustrated by examining the probable middle of their batting order: rich aurilia, aaron rowand, bengie molina. that's quite possibly the saddest 3-4-5 in the history of baseball, and that includes any 3-4-5 that had the misfortune of having willie mays hayes in it. on a positive note, they have some pretty good starting pitchers.

2008 mlb season preview: a.l. central

continuing on with our baseball season previews in no particular order, today we preview the american league's central division. click the "mlb season previews" label on the left menu to see other exciting previews.

predicted order of finish:

detroit tigers 95-67
cleveland indians 94-68
chicago white sox 79-83
minnesota twins 75-87
kansas city royals 73-89

the tigers are loaded on offense with new additions miguel cabrera and edgar renteria. i'll be surprised if they don't score over 900 runs this season. their pitching, especially their starters, will struggle somewhat. ordinarily this would cause me to pick against a team but i'll go with my guts here and predict the tigers to barely hold off cleveland to win the division. the indians return basically all of their key players from their 96-win division-winning team last season. if travis hafner returns to his previous form, cleveland's offense will be even stronger. their bullpen is always a slight concern when joe borowski is the closer, and sabathia logged a ton of innings last year and thus may not be as effective this year. i don't have them winning this division but i think the indians will win the wildcard. the twins pitching will struggle this year with the departure of johan santana and because their management is treating francisco liriano's left arm like it's a paper napkin. the twins hitting will struggle because they are forced to rely on guys like lew ford and mike lamb. white sox manager ozzie guillen said he's going to go back to being himself this year and that this will cause the white sox to win a lot, or something like that. while i'm not sure exactly what that statement means, i'm also not sure how they didn't win more last year, as they seem to have adequate pitching and hitting both. however, i think they'll still have the same level of quit in them as last year, leading to a similarly mediocre performance. the royals are still hapless, but GM dayton moore is slowly getting this franchise moving in the right direction. most importantly they have some decent young arms, and with the jose guillen signing in the offseason they're at least trying to attract people to kansas city, as difficult as that no doubt is.

2008 mlb season preview: n.l. central

predicted order of finish:

chicago cubs 90-72
milwaukee brewers 84-78
houston astros 80-82
st. louis cardinals 77-85
cincinnati reds 74-88
pittsburgh pirates 68-94

like most people, i'm picking the cubs. this is partly due to their strength, but mostly due to the weakness of this division. though fukudome won't be as big a pickup as people think, their offense will be good, and their pitching will be good enough. i think the brewers' pitching is still not strong enough, and their defense is below average. at the plate, however, they have one of the deepest lineups in baseball. the astros have made lots of moves this offseason in an effort to win now. miguel tejada improves the offense and jose valverde strengthens the bullpen. but their starting pitching is too patchwork after roy oswalt. much to limeade's chagrin, the cardinals will have problems on offense this year. albert pujols is wandering into vlad guerrero territory in terms of limited lineup protection. but fortunately their new GM believes in trading away dinosaurs for younger players, so it won't be long before they're competitive again. the reds are a trendy sleeper pick to make the playoffs. one announcer on espn went so far as to say that, because the reds now have an elite closer, they're now contenders. to demonstrate how ridiculous a position that is, simply ask yourself if francisco cordero has ever turned a team into a contender. the pirates will continue to be the pirates. they'll match the 1933-48 phillies record of 16 consecutive losing seasons. at least they have one of the nicest stadiums in baseball which offers a great view of both baseball and ducks.

when visiting PNC park, be sure to look for the ducks, else some random dude
talk your ear off for 20 minutes. but don't eat the pierogies. they are garbage.