College Football Rankings: Week 4

Dropped Out: Ohio St. (terrible) (13), Tennessee (18), Auburn (19), Mississippi St. (20), Michigan St. (23), Arizona (24)

I feel confident with those first six teams, but after that, it's very difficult to place 7 through about 15.

Sorry Clemson, but no, you don't get a ranking yet. But you will if you beat Florida State this weekend. Speaking of the Seminoles, I'm not as sold on Oklahoma's defense as I am on the fact that Florida State doesn't have much of an offense (and specifically, an offensive line). I think that as the season progresses, this win will not look as good for Oklahoma as it does now.

BYU: 7 turnovers? I have no words. I haven't been this disappointed in my alma mater in a long time. Brandon Doman, you need to get this offense going. We have a huge OL, use it to our advantage. We better not look that crappy against UCF this Friday.

College Football Rankings: Week 3

Dropped Out: Utah (20), BYU (21), No. Illinois (24), Nevada (25)

The only notable change in the top 15: Ohio State drops four spots for shamefully staying close with Toledo at home.

The old adage of "if a head coach listens to the fans too much, he'll one day end up among them" didn't seem to apply in Texas. Midway through the second quarter with BYU already winning 13-0, Texas fans were calling for the benching of QB/Armpunter Garrett Gilbert. Mack Brown listened, and Texas came back to win 17-16. Does anyone even doubt had Gilbert stayed in that game that BYU wouldn't have won? I wish Texas hadn't figured this out until next week, but I'm proud of BYU keeping this game close in a hostile environment. Through the first two weeks, BYU has looked better than Utah on both sides of the ball, and I expect them to win against their rivals this weekend in the Holy War.

Even though the game kept going back and fourth, I never really had much faith that Georgia could beat South Carolina. In my recently completed first dynasty season in NCAA Football 2012, South Cackalacky went 13-0 and lost to Oklahoma in the BCS National Championship Game, for whatever that's worth.

I'm happy that Vegas lost TWICE in the Utah-USC game.

Notre Dame LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL 0-2

College Football Rankings - Week 2

Rk Team Rec Pvs

1 LSU 1-0 1
2 Boise St. 1-0 3
3 Oklahoma 1-0 7
4 Alabama 1-0 4
5 Stanford 1-0 2
6 Wisconsin 1-0 9
7 Florida St. 1-0 6
8 VA Tech 1-0 13
9 Ohio St. 1-0 11
10 Arkansas 1-0 10
11 Oklahoma St. 1-0 12
12 Nebraska 1-0 14
13 Florida 1-0 15
14 Oregon 0-1 8
15 Miss. St. 1-0 17
16 Texas A&M 1-0 20
17 Arizona 1-0 19
18 W. Virginia 1-0 21
19 S. Carolina 1-0 18
20 Utah 1-0 16
21 BYU 1-0 22
22 Baylor 1-0 --
23 TCU 0-1 5
24 No. Illinois 1-0 25
25 Nevada 0-0 24

I watched quite a few of the games this weekend. Here are a few thoughts:

BYU deserved to win that game and fortunately Mississippi's lack of discipline and coaching came through in the end. The Cougars' red zone problems worry me, especially against such a crappy team as Ole Miss. An upset over Texas this weekend would be surprising. It doesn't really matter how bad Gilbert or whoever their quarterback is, BYU has a lot of problems on offense to work through. Texas is currently a 7 point favorite and that feels about right.

Baylor and RG3 are probably better than I'm giving them credit for, but TCU's defense was shockingly bad. I will not be surprised at all if Air Force beats them this weekend. Vegas apparently thinks the same thing as they are only 2 point favorites (TCU) as of this post.

Undoubtedly the worst uniforms this weekend were worn by Georgia, and they played as if looking like Power Rangers had deflated their egos. That said, Boise State is legit. Only a road game at San Diego State stands in the way as a possible upset. Otherwise, I think they get through their schedule undefeated. Whether the voters reward them with a BCSCG appearance is another matter.

The Blog is kind of back: 2011 College Football Preseason Top 25

After nearly three years, during which I met someone, got married, bought a house, and had a child, I have finally sufficiently caught up with life that I can sort of maintain a blog again. Undoubtedly the updates will not be as frequent as they were in the past, which is to say, erratic. But from time to time I enjoy writing about certain things, on which I have commented on this blog before, namely:

Baseball
Football
New Taco Bell Menu Items

So with this new update, I present my preseason top 25 for this year's college football season. Normally I don't like preseason rankings but I am as Antonio Banderas would say Desperado for football to start, so desperado in fact that I was recently caught watching SEC Media Days on ESPNU. And it wasn't even live. So with no further Adu, I present my Top 25 as of today, with previous year's record.

1. LSU 11-2
2. Stanford 12-1
3. Boise St. 12-1
4. Alabama 10-3
5. TCU 13-0
6. Florida St. 10-4
7. Oklahoma 12-2
8. Oregon 12-1
9. Wisconsin 11-2
10. Arkansas 10-3
11. Ohio St. 12-1
12. Oklahoma St. 11-2
13. Virginia Tech 11-3
14. Nebraska 10-4
15. Florida 8-5
16. Utah 10-3
17. Mississippi St. 9-4
18. South Carolina 9-5
19. Arizona 7-6
20. Texas A&M 9-4
21. West Virginia 9-4
22. BYU 7-6
23. Missouri 10-3
24. Nevada 13-1
25. Northern Illinois 11-3
Surprise picks: I think most would call Florida State at #6 a surprise, perhaps crazy. I think they have the talent, and they are adjusting well to new coach Jimbo Fisher. This is still Florida State, they still get great recruiting classes every year. I'm not predicting a National Title, but I wouldn't be surprised if it did happen.

Notable absences: Auburn (14-0, will struggle without college football's best athlete on the payroll field); Michigan State (11-2, proven to be fully a tiger of the paper variety after this debacle); Central Florida (10-3, coached by a waste of flesh rivaled only by a criminal).

week 3 college football preview: ohio state livin' on a pray-uh

Coach creasy bear is resurrecting the weekly preview, at least for this week. Let's take a look at this weekend's most intriguing matchups:

#2 Georgia at South Carolina - The Gamecocks came out limp last week versus lowly Vanderbilt, quickly losing the top 25 ranking they earned after shutting down North Carolina State the previous week. On offense, they are rather inconsistent. The Ol' Ball Coach clearly hasn't been able to recruit the same level of talent in Columbia as he could when at Florida. Still, they have a stingy defense, especially against the pass. And somehow, for some reason, they always seem to show up when they play Georgia. The Bulldogs Knowshon Moreno (edit: not pronounced like the last name of Ace Ventura: Pet Detective star Dan Marino) will probably get his 100+ yards. But I predict QB Matt Stafford will struggle, as he has the past two times he's faced SCAR. Bulldogs win, but it will stay close until a late touchdown. Georgia 27-13

UCLA at #18 BYU - UCLA was able to beat Tennessee two weeks ago despite throwing four interceptions in the first half alone. But they had two things working for them in that game that they won't have this Saturday: homefield advantage, and the opposing defensive coordinator being incompetent. I think QB Max Hall will have a good game through the air, and the Cougars will get it done on the ground too. BYU is very tough to beat in Provo. I like the direction the Bruins are headed, but I'm not ready to concede this victory. BYU 30-24
(Update: My original score prediction was 46-30. Obviously, I should've kept that one.)

Unranked Michigan at Unranked Notre Dame - Given my distaste for both of these teams, I like to explicitly point out that neither is ranked. As for the game, on the one hand, the Irish have homefield advantage. But how much will that really mean, given that they had that last week too versus a terrible San Diego State team and barely beat them thanks in part to a controversial fumble call that kept the Aztecs out of the end zone. On the other hand, you have a Michigan team, which improved last week after having lost to Utah, but still didn't look that great. I look at the coaches: Charlie Weis is getting top 10 and 15 recruiting classes, and has done nothing with it. Rich Rodriguez, while a good offensive-minded coach, doesn't yet have personnel that fits his system. I'm pretty sure this is going to be a fairly ugly game, with each side turning the ball over their fair share, and it will be decided by an either dumb play or great play, depending on who you're rooting for. Since I'll be rooting for neither, no matter who loses, I win. Notre Dame 20-19

#10 Wisconsin at #21 Fresno State - "Anyone, anytime, anywhere." That's Fresno Coach Pat Hill's motto. After beating down Rutgers in their first game, I immediately took notice of the Bulldogs. After North Carolina went into NJ and beat the Scarlet Knights even worse than Fresno did, suddenly I wasn't quite as impressed, with either Fresno or Rutgers (especially Rutgers...that might be my worst conference champion pick ever). Fresno does have quality players on both sides of the ball. Their fans will be fired up for a game versus a Top 10 opponent, even though they have no apparent real rivalry with the Big 11. However, Wisconsin is very strong and disciplined. Head Coach Bret Bielema has done a superb job replacing a legend in Barry Alvarez. He will have his team ready and focused. I can't see them giving this game away, which, in my opinion, is the only way they could lose it. Wisconsin 31-14

#5 Ohio State at #1 USC - As I think about this, the ABC Primetime, game on Saturday night, one question continually goes through my mind: How is Ohio State not going to get killed? Here are some key facts:

- Chris "Beanie" Wells will not play, according to the HC Sweater Vest
- Rey Maualuga is a freak
- Todd Boeckman is.....not that good

How Ohio State can win: USC is not really going to have to respect Buckeyes' running game with Wells out. Boeckman is obviously going to have to play an outstanding game. He can't turn the ball over. In fact, nobody on the Buckeyes can turn the ball over. They will have to rely heavily on their defense and special teams, like a vintage Virginia Tech Beamer-ball team. Also, USC is going to have to beat itself somewhat, which frankly, they have shown an ability to do sometimes (how else do you explain them losing at home to a 6-touchdown underdog last season?). QB Jonathan Sanchez does, at times, appear to have mental lapses. The Buckeyes are going to need him to throw picks, and for the Trojan running backs to be careless with the football. They'll also need them to miss field goals, kick punts short, and not cover their kicks well.

Any of these things doesn't seem particularly improbable. But for them all to happen seems virtually impossible. And I'm not sure Ohio State can win otherwise. Yes, they're ranked in the Top 5, but does anyone actually believe that? I think all people are thinking about is how bad they've looked the last two times they've played an elite team on a national stage. To what extent are Buckeye players themselves thinking this? To me, that is the biggest question of all. USC 35-17

the big long college football preview

Here is the post that all six of you have been waiting for. It's time for the Rogue League's 2008 college football preview. Conferences and teams are listed in order of strength as I perceive it. As suggested by the title, you may wish to grab a sandwich for this post. It's big, long, and satisfying.

SEC

The SEC will have a bit of a down year, I think. But still, this is top to bottom the strongest and deepest league in the nation. Georgia is the media's early favorite to win not only the conference but also the national title. They're good, but I'm not buying the national title hype. Four straight games away from Athens, versus LSU, Florida, Kentucky, and Auburn, make it virtually impossible they'll finish the season unbeaten. Their O-Line is young and not very deep. But as long as they avoid laying down like dogs in any game, like they did versus Tennessee last year, they've got enough talent to win the East. I'd prefer to see Florida win the division but I think that, despite a Tebow run at a second Heisman trophy, they'll still have some problems on defense, which will likely let them down in a couple of games. They should still play on New Year's Day, and it actually wouldn't surprise me if they did win the division. Tennessee should continue to be strong on defense but lost six of their front seven defensively. Expect a 9-3 regular season and their 56th appearance in the Capital One Bowl. South Carolina... is it me, or does it seem like the college game has passed Spurrier by? He's handed over play-calling to the OC this year but we'll see how long that will last. That said, their schedule is as favorable as one in the SEC East can be. This is a good darkhorse pick to win the division. Kentucky will struggle with their top QB Andre' Woodson now gone. And Vanderbilt will struggle because they are Vanderbilt. In the West, LSU is again the favorite. It seems a lot of people are overlooking them because they lost their quarterback. But these people seem to forget that Matt Flynn was kind of not awesome, so I don't think it will be that big a deal. Their losses on defense will be more significant. Still, I can't see any team other than Auburn possibly making a run. Speaking of those Tigers, they're supposedly instituting a no-huddle spread offense this year. I'll be curious to see if they actually have the QB play and overall speed necessary to pull that off, especially versus the tougher teams they'll face like LSU, Tennessee, and Georgia. Still they are very good defensively, and that will help them finish in the upper half of this division. Mississippi State returns from their first 8 win season in 200 years. They return a lot of starters on both sides of the ball, but their offense is still abysmal. I could see 6 wins and sneaking into a bowl. (Also, the parallel successes of Sylvester Croom and Cleveland Browns coach Romeo Crennel last year is really kind of weird to me for some reason.) Alabama I could see finishing anywhere from 1st to 6th, so for this post I'll put them right here in the meaty middle of the pack. Nick Saban is unquestionably a great coach, but I wonder how good of recruits he's really able to attract to Tuscaloosa. The schedule is somewhat daunting this year, with an opening game in Atlanta versus a strong Clemson team, and later road games at Georgia, Tennessee, and LSU. If the Tide can simply avoid losing to Auburn for the 80th consecutive time, they should call it a successful season. Arkansas will be kinda bad, but watch for Petrino to get the Razorbacks competitive again within a year or two. Ole Miss is still Ole Miss.
The pick: Georgia over LSU in the SEC Championship game

Pac 10

The Pac 10 remains, and will until some NFL owner offers Pete Carroll $100M, the playground of USC. I think they might be five deep at every position, including long-snapper and punter. They'll be solid on both sides of the ball, and their schedule is rather favorable. Only QB play could possibly derail this team's chance at a national title. Mark Sanchez is good but prone to mental errors at times. I still like them as a national title contender. After USC, I think there's a sizable drop to the rest of the league. Arizona State appears to be at the top of that crop. Dennis Erickson has once again turned around a team in very little time. Their defense still really needs to improve, and they'll get a tough early-season test against Georgia. Seven conference wins gets them to another Holiday Bowl or better. How soon will UCLA rise again to glory? I think this year is too much to ask, but they'll give plenty of teams problems. Their defense was already pretty good except for that embarrassment against Utah. Their offense will greatly improve under Neuheisel and Chow. Oregon seems to be strong every year. I've always kind of wondered how they get kids to go up there instead of USC or UCLA. The Ducks need to find a good QB, and if they do, they'll improve on their Sun Bowl berth from last season. California has unusual uncertainty on offense but their defense should be solid. Another bowl for Jeff Tedford. Oregon State somehow keeps winning games despite having tons of guys nobody's ever heard of. They may sneak into a bowl, possibly. Will this be the year Mike Stoops leads Arizona to greatness? In a word, no. Their offense should be decent, but their defense will be lacking. Too many tough conference games leave them home for the bowl season. Washington features "Tebow of the East" Jake Locker, only a sophomore this season. But inconsistent RB and defensive play will be their downfall. A fun game will emerge among the fans: Where will Ty Willingham coach next? My guess: Toronto Argonauts. Jim Harbaugh's Stanford defense should be tough. Their offense will struggle a little. This team could surprise though. A bowl could be in the cards for the cardinal this season or next. Washington State continues to reel from the departure of Mike Price (remember him?).
The pick: The Trojans

Big 12

The Big 12 has improved greatly over the past two seasons, but are just edged out by the Pac 10 for place as the second strongest conference. Beginning in the South division, Oklahoma appears to be at the head of the class. Their O and D lines are solid. Sam Bradford, who I'll admit I'm not very high on, seems more than capable of running Bob Stoops' system in the tradition of Jason White and Josh Heupel. I like them as a national title contender. Only a somewhat porous secondary could sink them, but depending on the matchup, that might not even matter. Texas will be strong again despite the loss of Jamaal Charles. I predict yet another 10-win season is in the cards for Mack Brown. Look for them to improve on their Holiday Bowl berth last year. Texas Tech will once again win 8 or 9 games. They get Texas at home this year, so if there's a season where they might finally beat them, this is it. I could see them in a New Year's Day bowl. Oklahoma State would be a great darkhorse pick if they could just find a defense. Their schedule is a bit rough, though (Missouri, Texas, Texas Tech all on the road). But they are men, and their coach is 40. They will squeak into the Independence Bowl (which should really be sponsored by Depend's one of these year's. Depends' Independence Bowl... just rolls off the tongue). Baylor made a smart hire in getting Art Briles, who resurrected Houston's program. He'll need some time but will turn the Bears into a bowl-eligible team within 4 years. Texas A&M was sort of run into the ground by Dennis Franchione. New coach Mike Sherman has his work ahead of him. In the North---

We interrupt this preview to comment on things recently said on tonight's College Football Live season preview on ESPN:

Jesse Palmer said he "buys into the Kool-Aid" of Georgia. Did he mean "drink" the Kool-Aid? Or is he going to buy stock in Kool-Aid? I'm pretty confused.

Craig James followed that up by calling Auburn's football team "eye candy." Uh...what? Did he mean the cheerleaders? Because yeah, I'd buy into that Kool-Aid. But the actual football team? Dude, that's just gay.

Back to the preview: In the North, Chase Daniel returned to Missouri in an attempt to win a national title. And to graduate, I would guess. The Tigers are easy to root for, having been bad for so long and also having a mascot that, despite being a tiger, is somehow more comical than scary. So I'll be rooting for this, but I don't think it's going to happen. Their defense will let them down somewhere, or they'll run into bad luck somewhere. I say this because they seemed to have such good fortune last year, and I think these things just have a way of evening out. That said, I think they'll win the North, because they're still that much better than the rest of the teams. Nebraska will improve immediately under new coach Bo Pelini. He should've been the hire instead of Bill Callahan. The Huskguys got it right and he'll right that ship. Kansas looks to improve on their success of last year, but suddenly face a very difficult schedule, including Texas, Oklahoma, and Texas Tech. Three or four losses seems almost certain. Colorado, who plays Divison 1 football, will continue their 15-year rebuilding program by improving to 7-6 this year, after being 6-7 last year. Kansas State should be ok this year. A traditionally soft non-conference schedule gives them a great chance at making a bowl. Iowa State is still awaiting the return of Troy Davis.
The pick: Oklahoma over Mizzouri in the Big XII title game presented by Dr. Pepper

Big East

Rutgers lost star RB Ray Rice to the NFL, but HC Greg Schiano has been getting good recruits up there and knows how to get the most out of them. They'll be good enough on offense and defense, and the schedule is favorable, which is to say, it's a Big East schedule (hey-ohhhhhhh!). I think this is the year Rutgers makes their first ever New Year's Day bowl game. Read that over and over maybe 50 times so you're less shocked when it actually happens. South Florida, who I foolishly ranked #1 in my Top 25 at one point last season, is nevertheless a good team, and seems to have vultched a few quality recruits from Florida State and Miami. I wouldn't be surprised to see them improve on their success from last season. Groethe is a good QB also, and only a sophomore. Despite the loss of Coach Dickrod, West Virginia still has really good talent. I do wonder though how well interim-turned-permanent coach Bill Stuart will be able to maximize his players' abilities. And when I say I wonder about it, I mean that I think he won't, at least not completely. That said, they're still too good to not make a bowl this season. But within 2 or 3 years, I think this program will be back to the state of mediocrity that you'd expect from that infertile recruiting area of the country (nothing personal Mountaineer State, just stating fact). I just found out today that Pittsburgh is ranked in the preseason top 25. And naturally, the first question that comes to my mind is, why? They suck. Some dude I sort of know once told me that Dave Wannstache is a good coach and that Pitt is good because they always get top 25 recruiting classes. To which I respond, no, he's not, and who cares how well you recruit if you keep going 4-7 every year? All of this said, the Big East is seriously down this year, and they aren't even a strong conference to begin with. If this Pitt team can't at least go 6-6 and make a bowl, Wannstache MUST be fired. How he's even still there is a subject worthy of this program's greatest hits. The rest of the Big East teams, I'll be honest: I have no desire to talk about them. Cincinnati... I still don't know what a bearcat is. Decent shot at getting to a bowl. Connecticut... whatever. Co-champion of the conference and made a bowl last year. Great. You're still, really, not that good. Louisville... they should improve on their disappointing season last year, because really they have more talent than they usually showed. Syracuse... you're just awful. Where have you gone, Kirby Dar Dar?
The pick: SUNJ

ACC
I'm looking forward to see how Georgia Tech will fare with the triple option under new coach Paul Johnson. The ACC has gotten weak enough that the option just might work. They won't face very much pressure in the Coastal division. Virginia Tech needs to update: will remove the redshirt from QB Tyrod Taylor. That may or may not be enough to win. Despite their making the Orange Bowl last year, I don't see a repeat conference championship. Miami coach Randy Shannon is doing a good job getting south Florida recruits again. They will improve on their disappointing showing last season. North Carolina is a team getting some preseason buzz. Common thought is that head coach Butch Davis can win this weak division. I could see this, or I could see a more modest finish. But a 6-win season and a bowl is certainly within reach. Virginia is not very impressive, despite technically making a New Year's Day bowl last season. Duke is...well...Duke. I think this story tells us all we need to know. In the equally arbitrarily-named Atlantic division, there's equal mediocrity. The top 3 teams are pretty decent, while the lower 3 are fairly awful. Wake Forest is probably the favorite, even over bigger name programs like Clemson and Florida State. They are actually getting pretty good recruits up in Winston-Salem, and I like QB Riley Skinner and the rest of the Deacons to win the division. Clemson, as per usual, is long on talent and short on coaching. Tommy Bowden is basically the ACC's version of Ron Zook. The Tigers will probably make a New Year's Day bowl game, but talks of national title contention are misguided. Florida State still gets a lot of talent and still plays in the ACC, which is to say, they have an easy schedule. They'll also go bowling, and could even edge out Clemson to take 2nd place. It's hard to separate the next three teams. Boston College probably has the most talent, but will certainly take their lumps with an inexperienced freshman QB. Maryland is not very good but does have a very good head coach in Ralph Freidgen, so even a bowl appearance from them shouldn't really be a surprise. It would be a surprise, though, for North Carolina State. This wolfpack has been tamed.
The pick: Wake Forest

Carson Palmer is my new favorite quarterback

Just the other day I was musing with the happy ninja about how weak the Big Ten is. And now Carson Palmer gives us this nugget (from a recent radio interview on 570 KLAC in Los Angeles):

I don’t watch what I say. I cannot stand the Buckeyes and having to live in Ohio and hear those people talk about their team, it drives me absolutely nuts. We got Keith Rivers out there and we got Frostee Rucker, we finally got a couple other ‘SC guys. It’s amazing to hear what those guys think about that university and what they think about that football program and Tressel and all the crap I got to put up with being back there. I just can’t wait for two years from now when ‘SC comes to the ‘Shoe and I get to, hopefully have a home game that weekend and I can go out there and watch us pound on them on their own turf and kind of put all the talk to rest, because I’m really getting sick of it. I just can’t wait for this game to get here so they can come to the Coliseum and experience L.A. and get an old fashioned, Pac 10 butt-whooping and go back to the Big Ten.

I'm waiting for an NFL star to come from Appalachian State so we can get a quote like this for Michigan. But for now this will do fine, just fine.

the last time the N.L. won the All-Star game, this look was still considered fashionable

Let's get this done, National League. Tonight. The last time we won was 1996. Think about this for a second. The starting lineup included Matt Williams, Barry Larkin, and Dante Bichette. Ozzie Smith was also on the team. OZZIE SMITH!!! The Prodigy were still a popular band. THE PRODIGY!!!!!!! This is just ridiculous. This was like two lifetimes ago. WE MUST WIN!!!!! HAHM-DI-NAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

- United States Declaration of Independence, July 4 1776

Kobe responds to Shaq's freestyle rap with freestyle scat

Reigning NBA MVP Kobe Bryant has responded to criticism from former teammate Shaquille O'Neal. As first reported by TMZ.com, Shaq was recently seen rapping in a New York city nightclub. His rap included, among other lyrics, "Kobe, you can't do without me." Last night in a swanky New Jersey bar, Bryant responded with some freestyle of his own:

Wellllllll, be bop be doo dop
bim bam bold
Shaquilllllle..... why you so
cold cold cold?
Rizz razzzz-a-ma-tazz
shim shammy shine...
that MVP trophy,
well it is mine.
Bim bam, the flim flam
diddly-bop-m-bop,
Well, next yearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....
I'm gonna beeeee onnnnn TOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!

According to several witnesses, Kobe brought the house down with his interesting style. "Like a young Al Jolson, I tell ya," said one patron. "I heard the great Louis Armstrong," said one old-timer, "and this young Kobe has the gift." Shaq was also secretly in the audience, and was later overheard to say, "it's the dopest rhyme I ever heard."

Separated at Birth: Dari Nowkhah and Shia Labeouf

On a recent episode of the "Budweiser Hot Seat," SportsCenter anchor Dari Nowkhah interviewed actor Shia Labeouf to promote his upcoming film, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Dari, who was not familiar with his interviewee, was given a card with three questions to ask Shia, after which he was to put on a brown cowboy hat and tell the audience at home to go see the new movie. What follows below is a transcript from this as-yet-unaired episode of the "Hot Seat."

Dari: We welcome now into the studio, a very talented actor, Shia Labeouf, of the Transformers and most recently the new Indiana Jones movie. Shia, you are now on... The Budweiser Hot Seat. Are you ready?

Shia: Uh, yes, I'm ready.

Dari: (Turns to face Shia) Ok, now Shia... Hey, what the? A mirror match??? IS THIS WHAT WE GOT????

Shia: I'm sorry, I don't understand. Mirror--

Dari: HAHM-DI-NAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Shia: I.. I just... I was told you'd ask me about the Red Sox or something.

Dari: RAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! OOOOooooOOOoooOOOOO!!!!!! (Bites head off nearby chicken)

Shia: Oh no...

At this point, ESPN turned off the cameras, while Dari ripped off his shirt and began running around the set like a madman. He was shot with a horse tranquilizer gun and later woke up mumbling Linda Cohn's name. The moral of the story: Do not confuse Dari Nowkhah.

Please hit the mute button. Now.

ESPN begins their "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" battle of the bands this week. Nine bands, including REO Speedwagon, will be butchering performing an American classic much to no one's possibly six people's delight.

One question that I just have to ask: How much variation on this theme can you possibly do? The song is, at most, a minute long. As a baseball fan, I don't really want to see this anyway, but instead would prefer ESPN simply let this song be what it is. While I'm not sure if there is any actual prize money involved in this, probably just a few more minutes in the limelight and/or ham sandwiches is all the motivation some of these guys need.

Why is ESPN doing this? The better question is why do they do anything that they do? Like Titletown, or 50 states in 50 days, or the ESPY's, or Who's Now? This is just another in a long list of ridiculous things that are barely sports-related enough that ESPN can still try to justify doing it. I'm sure this probably appeals more to the 12-17 year-old boy crowd, as well as possibly the female audience. I'm still hoping for the day that a rival sports network gets its poo together and makes a serious run at these clowns.

Extra YouTube clip, just because I think it's funny:

Movie Preview: The Happening

The writer-director of The Sixth Sense and Signs brings you his first R-rated film.

That's the tagline for the new "thriller" The Happening. And really, that's all you need to know.

M. Night Shayamalan is trying once again to fool the public into thinking he actually makes good movies. And to be honest, he once did. I really liked both Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense. But after those, his movies have slowly gone from intriguing to boring to just plain dumb. Signs was o.k. I guess, but I wouldn't see it again. The Village was an outright joke. If you've not seen it, I won't spoil the "twist," but just be prepared to be extremely disappointed when you see it. To be fair, I've not seen Lady In The Water, but I don't know a single person that has seen it that liked it.

The public has slowly grown to groan at the mention of an M. Night Shamalamadingdong movie. Undoubtedly, Mr. Shipoopi was aware of this, and needed some kind of gimmick to get people to watch his movies again. "Wait, what if I put in more gore, and a few F-bombs? That's sure to get those 14-to-18 year-olds that, 1) will watch anything, and 2) aren't yet completely soured on my utter lack of ingenuity." And there you go, his new flick is rated R, and, I have no doubt, will suck royally.

Prediction: 3/10

NBA Finals Preview: Lakers-Celtics XI

Thus begin the endless references to all the classic Celtics/Lakers Finals matchups in history, particularly in the 80's. I know the media has to do this. I mean, they can't easily ignore it. Nor do I expect them to. So I understand that. But frankly, some of it is a little silly. Yes, it's the Lakers and Celtics. And yes, it's the game of basketball. And that's where the similarities end. So please, media, no more comparisons of the Boston Three Party to the true Big Three. And let's not compare Kobe to Magic or anything of the sort. Let this matchup be what it is. Also, I've heard some say this matchup is "saving the league." This is fully absurd. Saving the league? From what? The NBA is financially very healthy. So healthy, in fact, that it continues to subsidize the hemorrhaging, untenable farce known as the WNBA. Television revenues are at all time highs, and attendance levels remain high. I agree that this Finals matchup will probably get ratings as good as any of the Bulls Finals series. But it's not "saving the league," so no more saying this.

As for the matchup itself, this is pretty tough to call. Celtics won both regular season matchups, but that was before the Lakers got Pau Gasol, so as far as I'm concerned, those games have no bearing. This will be the Lakers first real test of the post-season. No team has yet been able to play the level of defense necessary to beat them four out of seven. I do think the Celtics have that defense, but they've been inconsistent this postseason, particularly on the road. When I look at these two teams, I see that the Lakers have the best starting five, the best bench, the best individual player, and the best coach. I guess this is easier than I thought.

Prediction: Lakers in 5

separated at birth

Few people know that the late actor Alan Hale and sports broadcaster Jon Miller were good friends growing up. The younger Jon aspired to become a Hollywood star one day. He hoped to land a leading role in some sort of situational comedy about seven people that, after a transportation mishap, became stranded on an island (when you think about those circumstances, it makes you wonder how that was ever pitched as a comedy). The older Alan dreamt in his boyhood of one day becoming a famous baseball announcer alongside one of the greatest second-basemen to ever play the game. As it turned out, these friends ended up living out each other's dreams, though it worked well for each. Said Alan one day in 1989, "Jonny told me that he and Joe Morgan are going to start a new weekly baseball thing next year on Sunday nights. I told him good luck with it and to check out this blog so he knows exactly what to expect from the little buddy." Miller responded, "I'm privileged with the chance ESPN has given me. I hope to carry on Alan's legacy by getting Peter Gammons hopelessly stranded in Yankee Stadium one day."

Let's (Re)fool America!

Recently, Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep introduced their plan to protect humanity from evil gas prices, also known as their "Let's Refuel America" program:

Program participants use a special card linked to their MasterCard or Visa credit card account. The card may be used to purchase enough fuel at $2.99 per gallon to travel up to12,000 miles per year in each of the next 3 years. So no matter what the price at the pump says, you'll never have to pay more than $2.99 per gallon for qualifying fuel.

In the face of high gas prices, such a program could be an enticing option for those in the market for a new car. But here are some facts which should be kept in mind:

1) While gas is a real cost of car ownership, it's not the most significant cost. The actual purchase price, and the cost of maintenance, are generally both more expensive than the cost of fuel.

2) Speaking of the actual purchase price, do you think that Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep is not somehow making back what they're losing on this gas deal? An old axiom remains true here, "there's no such thing as a free lunch." Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep has undoubtedly raised either their prices or interest rates to compensate for this program. Not to mention this next fact.

3) "To qualify, you must purchase or lease an eligible Chrysler, Dodge or Jeep vehicle from May 7 through July 7, 2008 and have a valid MasterCard or Visa credit card." What are these "eligible vehicles?" Are they certain models that generally don't sell well? If so, there's probably a reason they don't, and that reason probably has something to do with...

4) These are Chrysler, Dodge, and Jeep vehicles we're talking about here. This is perhaps the most important fact of all. Jeeps are some of the least-reliable, most gas-guzzling cars on planet Earth. Chrylsers and Dodges are only marginally better.

So basically what I'm saying is there's a lot more to buying a car than the price of gas. I'll hand it to Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep for shrewd marketing. They're doing a good job attempting to capitalize on people's general annoyance with rising gas prices. But if you're willing to drive a piece of junk unreliable, inefficient car to save a few dollars per fill-up, you might want to re-think your buying process.

The All-Laboring Runners Team

This is a tribute to those baseball players whose lumbering (though not necessarily slow) efforts on the basepaths make childbirth look graceful by comparison. Remember to breathe, fellas.

Current team:

C Bengie Molina
1B Mark Teixeira
2B Jeff Kent
3B Ty Wigginton
SS J.J. Hardy
LF Jack Cust
CF Hunter Pence
RF Jeff Francoeur
P C.C. Sabathia
DH Frank Thomas

All-time team:

C Mike LaValliere
1B Sid Bream
2B Jeff Kent
3B Bob Horner
SS Cal Ripken, Jr.
LF Kirk Gibson
CF Kirby Puckett
RF Babe Ruth
P David Wells
DH Frank Thomas

What the Giants could do

San Francisco Giants' pitcher Barry Zito currently boasts an 0-8 record, with a 6.25 ERA, 1.90 WHIP, and .337 BAA (batting average against). His fastball is currently in the mid-80's. He was demoted to the bullpen a few weeks ago, though recently reinstated to the rotation. To put it nicely, the Giants are not getting their money's worth on his 7-year $126M contract.

But have the Giants considered trying to truly get all they can out of Zito? They're paying this guy so much money, why don't they just make him throw a complete game every start? People may say that this increases his risk of injury, but in fact, Zito has been one of the most durable pitchers in recent history. He has started at least 33 games and pitched at least 196 innings in every year since 2001, the year after his rookie season. He has never spent a day on the disabled list.

People may also say "well, he isn't very good, don't overuse him and that will give the Giants have a better chance at winning." But let's not kid ourselves, the Giants are simply not a good team. I mean, look at them. If they lose every 5th game by a score of 14-2 instead of 7-2, honestly, what's the difference? Despite Brian Sabean's wild delusions, they're not competing in 2008. Therefore, get your money's worth, Sabean. Unless you can somehow get Hank Steinbrenner to eat his contract, in which case, I suggest that.

john lackey, rogue league return tonight

As a John Lackey owner in my fantasy baseball league, I have some nervous excitement about his return for the Angels tonight. He has had four minor league/extended spring training starts to rehab a strained tricep in his pitching arm. There are a lot of unknowns when a pitcher returns from injury. Here are the possible scenarios for John Lackey as I see them, in order from most to least likely:

Scenario A - Lackey is Chris Carpenter. They've been rehabbing him in single A ball to hide the fact that he's still got an injury and now sucks. Whatever he does tonight, he'll need Tommy John surgery very soon. His career is basically over in everyone's mind except Tony LaRussa's.

Scenario B - Lackey is Jeremy Bonderman. He's not hurt anymore, but his velocity is diminished, and since he's a power pitcher, he's basically now a shell of his former self. Effectiveness will be sporatic. Surgery is possible down the road.

Scenario C - Lackey is Jason Schmidt. His velocity is diminshed and he's still hurt. He'll spend a lot of time on the DL, will never have a major surgery, and when he does pitch, he'll be mostly ineffective.

Scenario D - Lackey is Deion Sanders. Diminished ability in baseball leads him to turn to football, where he excels and helps a Mormon QB win a Super Bowl. He begins to wear hammer pants for no apparent reason.

Scenario E - Lackey is an alien from another planet. He assumes the form of a furry, snouted creature, and lives with a suburban middle-class family. He survives by feeding off humanoid food and, occasionally, cats.

Scenario F - Lackey returns to his 2007 form.

Lackey trains for new career as Foot Locker employee

chocolate chex sucks

just in case you see it at the store one day and you're like "oh that looks kinda cool, maybe i'll buy it and it'll be awesome," don't, because it's awful.